Going home in just a few days
It is less than 3 days till I leave Honduras to go home, and as I contemplate leaving, I have mixed emotions. On the one hand I extremely hate to leave. I like the friends I have made, the fellowship I have experiences, the scenery I have seen, and the clear hand of God at work. On the other hand I cannot wait to go home to see my family and friends at home in Illinois. I miss playing games with my brothers, I miss fellow-shipping at church, I miss playing volleyball, I miss playing in the snow, I miss my Mom and Dad, I miss my best friends.
I am literally torn between two worlds as I begin to leave on to go to another. Originally, I did not even want to come to Honduras, but now I find myself not knowing what I would do or who I would be without Honduras. My friends here in Honduras are all asking when I will be coming back and I face them with uncertainty, but hoping that I will visit again. I seem to be a child of two worlds not knowing which is better or which one holds more sway.
Now I realize more of what it means to be a sojourner and not having a home. The reality is that my home is nowhere to be found on this earth, rather, my home is in heaven. While I may long to be home in Illinois or back in Honduras, I must remember that both of these places are only temporary places on my journey to my real home.
When I first came here I was terrified that this would happen. I was afraid that I would make friends and like it here in Honduras. So much so that I pleaded with God to let me do my work and ignore everyone but a few. I was prepared to do my job and make connections with a select, small group of people and go home with nary a though, but God would not allow me to do that. Through this trip I learned to trust God, therefore, I obeyed and made friends and had a great time and built relationships.
But now here I am having become attached to two worlds and not knowing how to deal with it. I would not change anything, even though I still do not understand fully. God is and always will be trustworthy, so I will trust Him to work out the details and future of this Dichotomy. My prayer is a prayer to God for continued trust in Him and hope that He will provide the answers in due time.